kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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