so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
They are going to name an STD after you.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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