Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
