I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Randomize
