the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
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