i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Randomize