Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize