I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
