somebody snuck up and got me drunk
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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