all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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