Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
