yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
