mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize