I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
