I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
