As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
