He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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