you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
