Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
you never un-have a 4some
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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