No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
