Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
