honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
