Do you still have your period?
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
