i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
