exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
