you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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