I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
