As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I'm like, not good at living.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
