you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
