So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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