We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
