Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
