It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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