so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
