im about as happy as oj after his trial
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
