so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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