Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
