wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize