why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
My life is pants optional.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
