If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
