Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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