its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
