So gin and wine won't be happening again
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
