I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
