We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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