She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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