Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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