U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
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