Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
