I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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