This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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