I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
