thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
