I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
it was like having sex with a tree stump
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
