My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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