why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
