I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
