I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I'm both gender and math confused
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
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