there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
