I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Randomize
