I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
i just made my gag reflex go away.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize