so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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