Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
