There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize