I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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