Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
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