it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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