He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
