Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
