38 yer olds are good kisserssss
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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