WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Randomize
