My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
