So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
