it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
