So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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