Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
