Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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