I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
