Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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