I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
