You're so nebulous sometimes
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
