Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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