I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
