i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
