maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
