dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
