:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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