Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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