I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I believe in your delicious
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
