i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
