He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
